It'll All Fall Together. Have Faith. Hold On.

I've found myself constantly repeating this saying over and over again for quite a while. Honestly, for the past year. The year that has been my hardest yet. The year that I felt as if everything was falling apart, again and again.

I believe it started when one of my best friends from high school passed away during spring break of 2013. Waking up to the news of Zach's passing, I found my world begin to fall apart. I began to question my everything I thought I knew. My faith. My place/role in society. The life that I was leading and would eventually leave behind. I would wake up every morning and say to myself, "Yes, everything seems to be falling apart, yet somehow, it'll all fall together. Have faith, Drew, hold on."

(I distinctly remember getting frustrated with him for photo bombing our picture. Now it's one of my favorites simply because it embodies every aspect of his character.)

Time passed. With it came healing, yet more trying times. School was the hardest it'd ever been for me. It seemed like no matter how long I studied or how hard I tried, I could barely pull a passing grade. This was a foreign challenge, normally school was something I enjoyed, something I succeeded at; not something I struggled with and dreaded. "Hold on, it'll all fall together."

I was blessed the with opportunity to return home for the summer. I returned to Moab with high expectations of adventures and life-long memories to be made. Yet, I returned with more questions on my mind than I had ever had before. I was planning on turning in mission papers for the LDS church and looking forward to the next step in my journey. I had the best summer of my life. I made life long best friends, lasting memories, and filled summer with endless adventures. However, the summer was nothing what I thought it would be. It was filled with disappointment from receiving the answer (for the third time) that a mission wasn't the right thing for me, right now. The summer sun set with more questions than the start. "Have faith Drew, it'll all fall together. Hold on, tight." 

Returning to Utah State for my junior year of college was something I had been conflicted with. Hoping to be preparing for a mission, I hadn't really planned on being back so soon, yet, I found myself in Logan. So I decided to make the best of it. You'd think being in your junior year, the end would be in sight. Due to my transfer from Iowa and the depth of my major the end seemed beyond the reach of my finger tips. "Hold on."

I was rooming with friends from the previous year so I didn't think the social aspect of my life would be an issue. Until they both, for a reason not known to man, decided that I was no longer something they needed in their life's and as a result, they cut me out. At the same time, due to previous choices made by several parties, I was losing some friendships I held very dear to my heart. Piece by piece things seems to fall apart, including family matters. My mom's chemo had quit working leaving us even more unsure about the future. My little sister had turned in her mission papers and received her call to Chesapeake, Virginia. "Drew, have faith, it'll all fall together."

(Seriously one of the most proud moments of my life. I have amazing little sisters!)

Due to my job requirements, I had to work Christmas Eve, in Logan, six hours away from home. I had planned on driving the six hours home on Christmas morning, until I found myself in a twenty-one car pile up the resulted in the totaling of my truck. Leaving me with no sure way to get around town or back home for the holidays. "It'll all fall together. Have faith. Hold on."

I believe that I have been blessed with the gift of being very in tune. In tune with the others around me, with myself and with the spirit. Nevertheless, by the time the semester started, I felt as if this gift had faded away and I had never felt more lost or confused in my life. At this point, I found myself on my knees crying out, "Please. Help me to have the faith, to hold on. Help me to realize that it will fall together."

I decided that it was time to refocus. Spend some time on figuring out me. Whenever I'm in some sort of emotional crisis, the words of my mother echo in my ears. "Control what you can. Remember who you are." So, I sat down and made a list of goals. I started doing all the things that I knew I needed to be and it was then that I realized that everything had already begun to fall together, in all the right ways. Even if I don't understand why some had to fall apart and I might not in this lifetime, I knew that it was for the right reasons. Tender mercies began to bear testimony to "Keep holding on. Keep the faith. It'll all falling together."

Losing Zach, was hard and continues to be a trial. Yet, it helped to realize what's important in this life isn't bought with money or the views of the world. But instead are things like time; time spent with family, friends, alone in nature. Things the give you a solid foundation, for me that's my religion. Things that push you to be better and push you to do hard things. I am the oldest of four, so naturally, I like being the one that others lean on and the one that you will never see cry. The one that's always strong in front of others. It was all falling apart, but I soon learned that it was okay to lean on others and to let myself cry. That even when everything seems to be falling apart, if we rely on the right people, the ones that lift us up. And turn to Him, the one who really understands what we are going through, it is then that we will be able to understand and cope with all that we are asked to endure. With this lesson, it had begun to fall together.

(One of the hardest walks I've ever had to make was the one to Zach's burial sight.)

I know I am blessed to be receiving an education and I know that I am going into the right field of study. And without a doubt, I know that Utah State is the best school for me to accomplish my goals. Not only the academic atmosphere but the environment created by those that attend is nothing short of perfect for me. Even though school sometimes seems endless, holding on had lead to me falling into the right school.

(Not much makes me happier than fall afternoons filled with college football. Especially with Ky by my side.) 

Summer. If I could use three phrases to describe summer it would be these: Endless Adventure, Work Hard, Play Harder, and simply the word New. Being in my hometown of Moab for the summer opened all sorts of doors. It seems that there is anyways something new to be discovered or something journey to be made. Especially when you find yourself surrounded by a bunch of river guides. Seriously, they are the most fun group of people you will ever meet. I spent the summer days working as a lifeguard and swim instructor (so pretty much I got paid to sun tan and play with kids). I absolutely love my job. At night, I would serve popcorn and sell movie tickets at the local theater. So between the two jobs, I didn't spend much time at home (a decision I regret). I learned to keep my mind open to new ideas. To never close a door until I knew for certain that it was the wrong door. That if I didn't risk it, I'd always wonder, "what if?" When I wasn't working I was out adventuring with my friends. Whether it was late night drives talking for hours, long boarding through the town, late night hikes, or even singing to the guitar on my trampoline, we were always doing something. I soooo blessed to meet people who I know will be lifelong friends. The type of friends that bring out the best in me and always challenge me to be better. Through a lot of faith that Heavenly Father would place the right people in my life, He did and things had started to fall together, perfectly. 

(One of my favorite summer nights)

In the middle of roommate conflicts and heartbreak, I turned to an acquaintance I had made over the summer. I remember the first time I met her, she was way too quiet and reserved  for me. Little did I know she is the opposite and would later become one of my best friends. Miss Kylie Pace (yes, Ky, I have now learned your last name). She entered my life at the perfect time. She introduced me to all of her friends and roommates. Immediately, I was welcomed with open arms, adopted into their apartment, and known as the 7th roommate or the one who sleeps on the couch. I pretty much paid rent at my place just so that I could shower there and store all of my junk! Those who know me well know that I don't get along too well with girls. All my closest friends have always been guys, yet for the first time in my life, I found girls to be my closest ones, and not just one, but SIX!! Even though I had lost friendships that meant to the world to me and still felt encircled by uncertainty with almost every aspect of my life I knew that I had fallen into the perfect set of friends. The type friends you want to tell your grand kids about one day. I wouldn't change the fight for faith or struggle to hang on if it meant these girls weren't placed in my life.

(80's dance. This was the first night we met. I never would have believed you if you said this would be our first roommate picture together.) 

For the first time in forever, I had found myself walking to and from work.Without a vehicle, I was going crazy. If I needed to go somewhere, I had to call someone and ask. I felt as if I couldn't do the simplest things. I HATED it! I am very independent person. However, I realized how truly blessed I am. My grandpa and biggest hero, drove four hours on Christmas Eve, just so that I didn't have to spend it alone. Mad's farewell was at the end of January and I had NO clue how I was going to get there or when I could make it. That weekend turned into one of the best. We decided to make it what we called our "Moab Weekend". So nine of us piled into two cars and had the time of our lives. We spent the weekend at a private pool party, hiking, and full of endless laughter. If I had a car, I would have gone down by myself and would have missed out on all of the memories made.

(Not many are able to show off their hometowns like I am.)

I distinctly remember a conversation I had with one of my great-uncles that weekend. He asked me what I was planning to do about the whole not having a car situation. I looked at him with tears in my eyes (the tears were a combination of the fact that I wouldn't see my sister for a year and a half and the fact that I knew without a doubt what I was about to say to him was true.) I turned him and said, "you know, I just really believe that it will all fall together." And two weeks later, it did! I received a text message from my mom on a Thursday night one of my uncles was selling his car. It was a killer deal, but I'm just your average BROKE college student. So the dream of owning a car (one that actually worked-I had one in high school that was worth the $800 dollars I spent on it) seemed to be fading, and fast. However, after pieces falling apart, then being put back together by the grace of family and the blessings of the Lord, that following Sunday, I had purchased a car. So I named her Mia (I name everything I own). Sometimes our greatest blessing come in ways we least expect. As long as we are able to do all we can before hand. Everything truly had fallen together so perfectly, it is impossible to deny the hand of the Lord in my life. 

(One of my friends described her rather perfectly. He said, "you know, she's way cute and super sporty. Kinda like her owner."  and I couldn't agree more ;] ) 

There is no denying the fact that I will continue to be tried and tested. That's why we are here. To prove that we can be worthy even outside of the Lord's presence. If there's any one thing that I've learned in the story so far, it is found in Romans 8:28. "And we know that all things work together for the good of them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose." As long as we truly love Lord and do ALL in our power to fulfill his purposes, things will all fall together. Even if we don't understand the slightest piece of it, it's okay repeat, "It'll all fall together. Have faith. Hold on." Because if we do that, He'll take care of the rest.